Battle of the blogs Round 1: Light fixtures

Light fixtures, I was wondering why light fixtures are always attached to objects. Why limit ourselves? I am currently designing the light fixture nipple, tongue, and nose piercings. I for one hate when I'm wandering around somewhere new and the lights go out. No problem, stick out your tongue, flare your nostrils or take your shirt off and voilà, instant lighting. Now, some of you may be wondering, are these light fixture piercings safe? Well, no physical damage occurs but they were tested on prettyflycampguy.blogspot.ca so the mental effects are up for you to decide. These piercings come as a variety of light fixtures, ranging from a porch lamp to chandeliers. Prettyflycampguy spent two weeks wearing nothing but lamps over his nipples. Our light fixtures are much smaller and comfortable. Now some people believe that our nipple piercings were all cursed. Have no fear, we tested them all on prettyflycampguy and aside from the fact that his nipples started lactating monkeys nothing occurred. Well, that and the fact that his gender changed, and before you ask no, he did not become a woman. His gender simply changed we are not sure into what. But I digress, our light fixtures are top quality. As is my body.